Chicken News

I am the egg-chickadee! says Doreen

2006-09-06T15:35:00.000-07:00

The finding of a picture portraying some blog-eggs, allegedly dropped by a certain Bernard disappointed Doreen to the point where she became deeply depressed.
In conjunction with her bipolar disorder, this proved to be disastrous. "I am the only one; the one and only online chicken to lay eggs for my dear friend Joe..! cluuuuck..."

Even this chronicler had to shed a tear while listening to these heartfelt poultry confessions.

Our hearts and minds are with you, Doreen!

Doreen Speaks Up!

2005-08-05T02:41:00.000-07:00

"He is charming and polite", says Doreen about new friend Johnny Dang in an interview on Pickle magazine. "I was devastated about the rumours on the concerts; I mean, I paid my ticket already!! Joe wouldn't reply my calls, he changed the keys to the little house we used to live in, and left an Error 404 message in his answering machine.
Luckily I've found Johnny. We are only dating, I mean we don't do the dirty deed or anything. Just friends. That's what I need now after all I had to take".
What about the new conspiracy theories that are elsewhere on the internet, about Zappa fan's Holy Grail, the Roxy DVD, and the Da Vinci connection?
"Oh, yes, that. Well, you can buy it or not. I've seen the pictures all across the internet (note: she is referring to these images:)

see detail:

"I don't know... Of course Da Vinci was a big Zappa fan, but from there to put a secret code on his paintings to find the Roxy... I mean, can't you guys grab a METAPHOR?? I'm sorry to disappoint, but I think those tapes are still drying somewhere in one of Joe's infamous ovens...Cluuuuck"

Wether the conspiracy theories are truth or not, Doreen found now a state of peace of mind. Well done, girl!

Famed Hen Stupefied by Petrifying News

2005-04-25T02:08:00.000-07:00

Sad but true: Doreen, the presumptive Joe Travers' chicken always knew she was adopted. But when she signed on to the Genes reunited website, and later on, on mailorderchickens website, she had no idea she had a huge, secret family...

"I was just surfing the internet, says Doreen, "when i saw that picture of Donny". "I was shocked, we are like two peas in a pod, like two brown eggs in a cardboard box..." "Could it be possible that Joe NEVER told me I had a family down there in Africa?" the redfeathered bird wonders.
To aggravate things, Doreen now suspects she's been adopted for slavery works: "I mean, all those tapes I helped to bake, that's a lot of work, isn't it? I'm not complaining, he's been sweet to me and all, but he'd never let me touch the Roxy, at least once. There's always an excuse, 'I'll bake it later', 'The oven is not ready yet', etc, etc. I mean, if he loves me he should trust in me, I CAN do that, no? and to say I'm all alone here, without my brothers and sisters; Cluuuuuck..."

Doreen is now staying for three days in the Majestic Yolk, a nearby hotel and spa, to recover from the apalling news, and possibly planning a flight to Ghana...
Good luck, girl!

Cheeky Chickadee Unmasked

2004-12-19T05:16:00.000-08:00

Doreen, the allegedly kidnapped chicken owned by famous Vaultmeister Joe Travers, was caught by papparazzi looking extremely good and healthy, exhibiting an enviable tan and even doing the funky chicken in an undisclosed location (click to enlarge image):

She appears to have been brainwashed by her kidnapper, becoming his accomplice (notice, in the picture, how she is accepting a drink from him). Her story has a precedent in the seventies: Patty Hearst. It's an extreme case of the "Reseda syndrome", in which captives become sympathetic with their captors. Doreen further argued she was coerced into her part in Travers' extortion.

Experts had already become suspicious when they found her fingerprints on the now infamous ransom note which was sent to various media outlets.

ChickenNews got to talk to her:
"I know what I've done is horrible. Of course, I don't expect Joe to release the ROXY like you lay an egg. I know he has to bake it, knead it together, add whipped cream, etc. It's just I told him so many times...It is not a secret I am a Zappa-fan too. I hope he'll forgive me some time. Cluuuuuck..." said the -now- repented fowl, in between one sip and another of her WPLJ, trying to explain the iniquitous behaviour.

Joe said he won't file charges against her, but he is now on therapy to overcome the sad experience. "This was a big lesson. Now I am aware: Zappa-fans really would like the ROXY dvd to be released... I'll do my best, I promise".

Be strong; our hearts and minds are with you, Joe!

Joe Travers' chicken kidnapped

2004-12-16T08:52:00.000-08:00

Disturbing news reached Chicken News today, as shocking footage of Joe Travers' kidnapped chicken arrived to us via mail.

In a first reaction, Joe who is working as Vaultmeister at what Zappa fans refer to as the Vault, tells us he is devastated and urges everyone who may know more about this horrendous act to get into contact with him. "They must be Zappa-fans," he says, "I mean look at that Frank Zappa book on the couch. I also think these guys have very good taste in interior decorating."

Earlier this week, Zappa fan-blog Kill Ugly Radio had first uncovered the apparent kidnapping of Joe's chicken, unvailing a gruesome ransom note demanding that the "Roxy DVD", regarded by many as The Holy Grail of the Zappa Vault, be released immediately.

Joe's chicken, or Doreen as Joe lovingly refers to it, appears to be alive and well, but for how long? "If it was in my hands, I'd release the Roxy DVD right this minute," said the Vaultmeister, "but it is not my decision to make." Upon which he burst into tears.

Our hearts and minds are with you, Joe!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

2004-09-27T09:14:00.000-07:00

Why did the chicken cross the road?
George Bush says: "We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here."

Welcome to Chicken News!

2004-09-21T11:21:00.000-07:00

Hello and welcome to Chicken News! Here at Chicken News, our aim is to keep you up to date with chicken news from around the world. Because here at Chicken News, we think the chicken is a wonderful animal, and so is news related to the chicken. Stay tuned for Chicken related News!